Burning, stabbing pain.
Ryan felt the squirming throughout his whole body. Underneath his skin and within his gaping wounds. He felt the maggots wiggle and writhe. His head was pounding from the loud and endless drone of flies buzzing. The entire room reeked of rotting flesh, but he was too tired to notice or care.
How long has it been? Ryan had no idea how long he’s been locked in his room. All he knew is that he was currently home alone. He couldn’t hear any sounds of movement or conversation from above the basement. It didn’t matter anyway, as his parents no longer bothered to call his name anymore.
It was only his brother, Alex, who still managed to check on him every day. As time went on, it took Ryan more and more strength to use his voice to shout at him to go away. He always tried his hardest to make sure his voice doesn’t sound strained or scratchy. After all, he’s still clinging onto the shred of hope that everyone thinks he is fine down here.
His room was an absolute wreck. Besides the copious amounts of insects, the room was also filled with his own belongings randomly strewn about. Bags of food, bottles of water, and bloody clothing littered the floor. Ryan had long since taken off his clothes. The constant itching, as well as the dampness of blood beneath his clothing, made him uncomfortable.
Ryan wished he could leave his room. He wished he could just go out, face his family, and get some help. But deep down, he knew that it wouldn’t work out that way.
If anyone saw him in this state, they would be horrified. Why would his own family want to help him after he mutilated himself this way? They would abandon him like they always had.
But he deserved it, after all. He was a monster. An awful, deplorable monster who deserved every bit of torment he was getting.
Ryan squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted this to end. He wanted so desperately to feel anything but the constant pain and pit of anxiety in his stomach. He wanted to hear anything else besides his own racing thoughts, or the endless buzzing. He couldn’t even tell if the buzzing was real at this point, or if it was now just a constant noise he heard in his brain.
Ryan tugged hard at his matted hair. It had grown long and wild within the last two months. He once took pride in his hair, making sure to brush and take good care of it. Now, it was dirty, disheveled, and covered with insects. His scalp itched, his skin itched, everything itched.
He deserves this, he keeps reminding himself. He deserves this for even trying to pull a stunt like this to get attention. But it was too late to back out of the plan now.
A rumbling in his stomach, along with a sharp and painful pang of hunger, distracted him from his thoughts. He has lost a significant amount of weight during this time period. As time went on, he found himself with less and less energy to do anything, eating included.
Ryan slowly stood up, getting out of his computer chair. His steps were slow and shaky as he walked towards the bags of nonperishable food he had left in his room. He opened up a package of crackers, struggling to even swallow. He had no appetite at all, despite his body’s desperate demands to feed itself.
His attempt to feed himself soon proved useless as he felt a wave of nausea. He stumbled into the small bathroom connected to the basement, managing to make it to the toilet in time to throw up. It was mostly blood at this point, along with a few maggots, worms, and parasites. He coughed up the last bit of blood before wiping his mouth.
He caught his reflection in the bathroom mirror. A pale and haggard face stared back at him. His eyes, surrounded by dark circles, were red and bloodshot, with stains of dried blood and tears leaking from them. He watched as the parasites aimlessly swam throughout the whites of his eyes. They blurred his vision and brought him a constant sense of pain.
Looking at himself in the mirror was just another reminder of why he shouldn’t leave his room. His body wasn’t just covered in tiny cuts anymore. He was completely infested. A horrible, disgusting, despicable mess of a human being. It was almost laughable that Ryan thought this plan would make his parents care for him.
So that’s what he did. A ripple of laughter surged from his throat. It was loud and sudden, but he didn’t care. No one was there to hear him. No one was there to help him. No one was there to care about him.
He laughed and laughed, until his laughter turned into choking, uncontrollable sobs. He didn’t know how long he stood there, sobbing as he stared at his own horrible reflection in the mirror.
Eventually, Ryan managed to stop crying. He slowly staggered out of the bathroom and into his bed. He didn’t care what time it was. He just wanted an escape, and sleeping would provide just that. He pulled the blood stained covers against his bare body, curling up into a ball beneath them.
He knew he wouldn’t get much sleep anyway. The constant pain in his body would inevitably wake him up. But it didn’t matter. Even an hour of sleep would be a good enough escape for him.
Ryan shut his eyes, ignoring the hot tears that began to form in them yet again.
One day, this would all be over. Whether he manages to find the strength to leave his room, or whether he dies down here, he knows his pain will one day end.
And with that single semblance of comfort, Ryan managed to fall asleep.